I PRAYED + NOTHING CHANGED
I waited. I waited 2 1/2 months.
I prayed everyday for You to transform him into the person I knew he could be, to help him, to break him and build him back up again.
When he came come after what I had hoped was long enough for him to let you work your magic, I continued to pray that same prayer. I hoped that he really had changed, and I believed in You. So that I wouldn't be forced to make a decision that I promised You I would make, had it come to that point.
But I put my unfailing trust in You, I believed You could and would make this happen, because I knew there was nothing more that I could do.
THAT TIME I PRAYED + GOD DIDN'T ANSWER
But surprise, surprise it didn't. Not before I was forced to make that decision that I promised You I would make. And of course it all came unravelling so so quickly. The exact way I hoped it wouldn't. But guess what, that is okay. Because of course you knew this was all going to happen from the start. Because you know all things, and I don't. And that unfailing trust, wasn't something I was just going to give up because you didn't give me what I wanted.
HEARTBREAK VS. HEARTBREAK
At the time even though I was hurt, disappointed and angry, I know that You helped me get out of something that I wasn't meant to stay in. I understand now that just because you didn't answer my prayer while I was in it, doesn't mean you won't answer it still. Or that you aren't continuously working on that prayer as I speak.
But thankfully for me You so faithfully and graciously saved me from having to go through a lot of unnecessary turmoil and greater heartbreak. You didn't need me to be in the middle of it to help him, even though we both thought we wanted me to be there while you did.
You had a bigger plan, one that I just didn't understand at the time. And I realise now that there was nothing bad about you not answering my prayer, it was me that was praying the wrong prayer.
SOMETIMES WE NEED TO BE SAVED FROM OURSELVES
That's the great thing about God is that He saves us from ourselves, from our misguided desires and weaknesses that lead us off the original path that He designed for us. He helps us do what we could not do alone. And the even better part is that if we listen even just a little. He will nudge you in ways that will eventually bring you back to the right path. He sure did for me.
ARE YOU PLAYING THE BLAME GAME?
I think we often try to blame God or begin to doubt Him just because He didn't answer our prayers when we wanted Him to or in the exact way we thought He should. But may I just say now, that man, we are just SO unfair. Because God is forever faithful. And as much as we'd like to, we don't get to tell God what to do.
We are just to ask that His will be done, and that He prepare us the best way possible to make His will possible in our lives.
So don't blame God for not answering a prayer, maybe ask yourself if it was a prayer you should have even been praying in the first place.
SOME PRAYERS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE ANSWERED
God knows best, and if God gave us the stuff we prayed for. Often times that would mean we would be getting less than His best. So truth is, yeah, God didn't answer my prayer in the way I wanted Him to. But that is because that wouldn't have been the right thing for me in that moment or in the long run! He had a higher understanding than me, especially in that moment of shortsightedness. He rescued me, He deliver me and He gave me such a better life because He didn't do what I prayed so badly for Him to do.
I know now in my bones, that Gd truly only wants what's best for me, and I realise I don't always know what that is! So I thank God, for not answering my prayers int he way I wanted Him to.
GOD WAS FAITHFUL IN MY IGNORANCE
I thank God for providing for me even when I was confused, frustrated and playing the blame game. He didn't deserve it, but I am so grateful that He is now using that ignorance I had then for a greater purpose. That He is using it to serve His kingdom, to help the many people that are feeling the exact same way I did a short while ago.
Thank you God, for always being undoubtedly faithful!